Saint John Chrysostom emphasizes the role of spouses within marriage. He often addresses men, reminding them of the importance of the woman’s presence and their own responsibility within the marital relationship.
As he says:
“Love your wife as you love yourself. Not only because man and woman share the same nature, but for an even greater reason: because they are no longer two separate bodies, but one.”
In this way, the couple is presented as a unified being. The merging of the two persons into a relationship of mutual acceptance strengthens the idea of a shared path, the unity of their bond, and their mutual love. Man and woman are transformed into what we call a “married couple,” expressing what Saint John Chrysostom describes as their “shared nature.” The two distinct persons are united through the holy sacrament of matrimony, transforming the very quality of their existence and forming together a new reality.
How Can a Husband Show His Love and Express It to His Wife?
“When you are gentle, serious, and reasonable, she will listen to you and accept what you say. But she will receive your words even more readily if you reveal your love abundantly; for nothing persuades a person as much as realizing that what is said comes from love and is spoken in love.”
“And how will you show her your love? By saying something like: ‘I did not choose another woman, even a wealthy or noble one. I chose you because of your character, your modesty, your gentleness, and your self-control. For I have learned to despise wealth as something trivial, sought after by thieves, immoral people, and deceivers.’”
“What captivated me was the virtue of your soul, and I value it above all wealth. A virtuous woman who lives in piety is worth the whole world. That is why I loved you, love you still, and place you above my own life.”
“Above all, I place my love for you, and nothing would be more painful to me than losing it. Even if I were to become completely poor or face great danger, everything would be bearable as long as our relationship remains good.”
“Let us not make shallow excuses. Let wealth, servants, and honors all be lost. Above all, I place my love for you.”
Through these loving words, the saint emphasizes the need for appreciation and devotion between the spouses.
Although it may sometimes seem easier for a man to rely on logic, speaking in a serious and concise manner, the saint urges husbands to express their emotions. He argues that in any relationship, it is important to communicate in the language that the other person best understands. Thus, when a woman needs to hear gentle and affectionate words, it is praiseworthy for her husband to make this effort, giving her access to his emotional world.
Praising one’s wife and expressing admiration is not something shameful for a husband, but rather a proof of love and an expression of inner richness. It also fosters mutual understanding, unity, and better communication.
Finally, Saint John Chrysostom mentions:
“Do you not see that even in our own body we have many imperfections or weaknesses? One has crooked legs, another paralyzed hands, another a sick limb, and so on. Yet we do not mistreat it or cut it off. On the contrary, we care for it and attend to it even more than the healthy parts, and the reason is obvious.”
Through this passage, the saint compares the human body with the unified body of marriage, showing that just as every person has imperfections, so too does a marital relationship have difficulties and weaknesses. As he teaches, where the “body” of the spouses is lacking, that is precisely where there should be given greater attention and care. Through acceptance of the other and adaptation to a shared life, the couple remains healthy and endures life’s demands, just as each individual overcomes their own shortcomings in order to live a virtuous life
